How Do You Make a Cordon Bleu?

Today’s entry was written by Jason, our Biteclub secretary. I was away with work commitments and couldn’t attend yet again!!!….I’m sure you’ll enjoy his take on a french themed dinner. Bon apetit!!!

Bonjour!  Welcome to the first Bite Club of Series 4, hosted by myself, Jéson Le Herbison, and mademoiselle, Vané De Chéng.  To commemorate Anzac Day, Vané and I felt it was appropriate to share some of our fine national cuisine over a three course le diner.  So for those of you who couldn’t make it – or if you simply have an interest in all things à la française – then sit back, pop on your favourite Edith Piaf CD and soak up the saveurs, sentuers and couleurs of this magical evening.

JOHNNY HERRON COMES OUT OF THE CLOSET

After years of speculation – not to mention teté a teté in the locker rooms of City Gym – the night began with a revelation.  At last, Johnny Herron came out of the closet – literally.  It was a truly priceless moment when Madame Maria, on a mission to retrieve a broom from the cupboard, opened the door and discovered Johnny, appropriately perched on a piece of exercise equipment, ready to be our special guest Bite Club Intruder.  Maria’s ear piecing scream could be heard all the way from the Arc de Triomphe.  Unlike Anne Frank, Johnny used his time in hiding to do a workout and emerged with even better abs than before. With everyone’s appetite’s wetted, Vané and I began to serve…

A TART WITH A HEART

For entrée – and drawing inspiration from the Saint Rémy De Provence region – Vané whipped up a mouth watering caramelised onion tart with anchovies and sun dried tomatoes.  The recipe has been passed down through her family for generations and Vané fondly regaled the group with a story about the first time her méme, le fémme Babs, helped her to prepare it.  After hand picking the onions and tomatoes from their provincial garden – and plucking the anchovies from the River Sienne – the two women diced all the ingredients, then rolled out two squares of pasty.  Each square was roughly the size of the cover of The Da Vinci Code, hardback edition.  Then, using artistry perfected at the Moulin Rouge, Babs carefully arranged the caramalised onion on top of the pastry, leaving a three centimeter border around the edges.  The anchovies and sun dried tomatoes add a final touch of flair.  Cooking time – 20 minutes.  Vané even did a little Can Can as she served the dish. It’s safe to say that it was a hit with our guests, as the meal was demolished faster than you can say Yves Saint Laurent.

VOULEZ VOUS CORDON BLEU

When it came time for the main, I turned to the pages of French history – 1793 to be exact.  Did you know that Cordon Bleu was the final meal eaten by Marie Antoinette, before she was beheaded during the feverish height of the French Revolution?  To this day, visitors to the Place de la Concorde – where she met the guillotine – say they can still smell the subtle flavour of the ham and Swiss cheese, as it melts into the bosom of a warm chicken breast.  It’s very easy to prepare – simply catch a chicken from your farm yard, chop its head off (no guillotine necessary – an axe will do), remove the breast, beat it to a flat pulp, then add the ham and cheese, roll it with the help of tooth picks, braise in egg and coat in bread crumbs and parmesan cheese.  Oven set to 180, cooking time 30 minutes.  For the sauce, I used a simple combination of white wine, cooking cream and seasonal herbs.  Green beans, mash, mushrooms and French Fries made popular side dishes. The only complaint came from my le canines, Astré and Kirbé, who found very little leftovers on the plates.

WHEN LIFE DEALS YOU LEMONS, MAKE A CITRON

It’s well known that us French like to celebrate – just look at Bastille Day.  So when Maria reminded us that Paul’s birthday had been upstaged by le bride Sarina and monsieur Noel’s wedding at le weekend, we decided to have a little celebration of our own.  Using lemons flown in from Barjac, in the Gard region, I prepared a special Citron.  I won’t talk you through the arduous process involved in making the pastry – I suggest you buy the Pampas variety.  After pressing the pastry into a tin with a removable bottom, I ‘dry baked’ it for 20 minutes.  This means – add a layer of baking paper to the top of the pastry and fill the tin with rice or beans, or as I did, lentils.  Bake for 15 minutes.  It is important to take great care with this, as I discovered when several of the lentils escaped the paper and became embedded in the pastry.  Naturally, I was concerned that the dessert would be ruined, but then I remembered that my guests were alcoholics and all taste buds would be anaesthetized by this stage of the evening.  Finally, add the filling – 2 cups of cooking cream, 1 cup of sour cream, 1 cup of sugar, four eggs and most importantly, the juice and zest of four lemons.  Bake for 45 minutes, until firm, then chill.  I served each petite slice with a dollop of rich cream and fresh strawberries.  It was le coup de foudre for Sal, who told me it was the best dessert he’d ever tasted.  Merci for the compliment.  Suffice to say, everyone was the size of Gerard Depardieu by the end of the three courses.

EPILOGUE

When at home in France, Vané and I like to follow a big meal with a relaxing stroll along the Riveria.  But since this was Darlinghurst, someone – I think Ryan – had the idea of going to Palms instead.  It wasn’t entirely inappropriate, as walking down the stairs gave me new appreciation for how Napoleon felt when meeting his Waterloo.  In fact, I vaguely recall Abba was being played at the time.  It was just a shame nobody bothered to tell Arthur that he still had the pigs ear – stolen from Astré and Kirbé’s dish – still attached to his head.  As always, Maria was still on the dance floor when we left.  Vané and I just hope she makes it home before the next Bite Club, as she is one of the hosts!

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